As I sat to write in my journal like any other day, to relive the moments, experiences — the events, the vacation I took recently & all the other day to day things I lived through, I had an epiphany. A sense of realization — I am recording the moments, remembering them, what I wished for then!
Undoubtedly our lives have infinite possibilities, the past just one. Maybe that is why we still hold on to the past, we refuse to change our ways, our thoughts, how we are because we knew what we are, if we change, we don't know what else could change? Or if we sit idle more often than not, we think of the past, a time we know took place with utter certainty. We convince ourselves that our past days — perhaps college years were the best or our first job was the best. Nothing like it. But they were not. If we think back they were filled to the brim with a lot of distress & uncertainty too. As a student in college, we dreamt of having the job we are in today and dream of what our day might look like being settled with a job and stable life. What would life look like we didn't have to ask our parents for money, look for employment, or strive for independence or the time when we could be on our own. But now, we are here & we have blissfully forgotten we dreamt of this day once upon a time. We spend so much time making sure the next day will be livable but very little time living it. Let’s change that.
Sometimes I look back on time, I recall all day brimming joy & fun time with friends and big dreams for life ahead. The life of a student or younger days was maybe what we’d call being free. It was easy we think now & the only biggest worry would be assignments. But think again, you lived through being a sad sake, rebellious, anxious, self-conscious teenager. I love to stay in the present, but let me be honest, when I sit down to write, I am often pulled back into the past to draw learnings and inspirations and understand myself and us as humans a little better than yesterday. These thoughts spring up from endless writing & unintended remembering.
Thinking back on time is not always correct, it is unfair to my present and even yours because although the past was undoubtedly incredible, it was also stressful & challenging in its way we seem to have forgotten and honestly even messy. Not because it was bad, but because life is such — it is everything other than one wishes for uncertain, messy, also difficult. But we should not forget it is between all these — it is also beautiful and can take you by surprise when you least expect it, making you believe it is worth it.
When we remember by accident, we only see the best of times. However, when you reflect on purpose, you see the picture a whole good and bad, the hurt and the joy and I now want to express gratitude to my today, remembering the past moments when my life now is what I wished for then.
